Ellen DeGeneres’ 2009 Tulane University Commencement Speech
Thank you, President Cowan, Mrs. President Cowen; distinguished guests, undistinguished guests - you know who you are, honored faculty and creepy Spanish teacher. And thank you to all the graduating class of 2009, I realize most of you are hung over and have splitting headaches and haven’t slept since Fat Tuesday, but you can’t graduate ’til I finish, so listen up.
感谢考恩校长和夫人，各位尊敬的来宾和各位谦卑的来宾—-你自己知道就行，各位尊敬的教授和恐怖的西班牙老师；谢谢所有2009届毕业生，我知道你们大多数还有着宿醉后的头痛，从周二的狂欢派对到今天还没有合过眼，但是我没讲完你们就不能毕业，所以听好了。
When I was asked to make the commencement speech, I immediately said yes. Then I went to look up what commencement meant. Which would have been easy if I had a dictionary, but most of the books in our house are Portia’s, and they’re all written in Australian. So I had to break the word down myself, to find out the meaning.
当我接到这个毕业典礼演讲邀请的时候，我毫不犹豫就答应了。然后我去查“毕业典礼”是什么意思。如果我有字典就好了，但我家的书大多是Portia的（她澳大利亚的妻子），而且都是澳文。所以。。。我得自己拆词，去揣摩它的意思。
Commencement: common, and cement. Common cement. You commonly see cement on sidewalks. Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step on a crack, you break your mother’s back. So there’s that. But I’m honored that you’ve asked me here to speak at your common cement.
“COMMEN”常见，“CEMENT”水泥，常见的水泥。你常常在人行道上见到水泥，人行道有裂缝，你要是踩到裂缝，你妈妈的背就要断了。就是这样。但是我很荣幸被邀请来“常见的水泥”做演讲。
I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus - alumini - aluminum - alumis - you had to graduate from this school. And I didn’t go to college here, and I don’t know if President Cowan knows, I didn’t go to any college at all. Any college. And I’m not saying you wasted your time, or money, but look at me, I"m a huge celebrity.
我以为一定要是名校友（校友这个词很多人拼错），而且是本校毕业的才能来。我没在这里念过大学，而且我不知考恩先生是否知道，我其实完全没有上过大学，完全没有。当然我不是说你们在这里浪费了时间和金钱，不过瞧，我可是个大名人。
Although I did graduate from the school of hard knocks, our mascot was the knockers. I spent a lot of time here growing up. My mom worked at and I would go there every time I needed to steal something out of her purse. But why am I here today? Clearly not to steal, you’re too far away and I’d never get away with it.
我是在社会大学毕业的。这所大学的吉祥物就是“门环”。我在这里渡过许多成长的岁月，我妈妈在这里工作时，每次我想偷钱时就会来找她。但是我今天在这里，显然不是为偷钱而来的，你们隔着那么远我可偷不着。
I’m here because of you. Because I can’t think of a more tenacious, more courageous graduating class. I mean, look at you all, wearing your robes. Usually when you’re wearing a robe at 10 in the morning, it means you’ve given up.
我来这里是因为你们。因为没有比你们更优秀、更勇敢的毕业生了。看看你们，身穿袍子（学士袍），通常我们说早上十点还穿着袍子（睡袍）代表你要放弃人生了。
I’m here because I love New Orleans. I was born and raised here, I spent my formative years here, and like you, while I was living here I only did laundry six times. When I finished school, I was completely lost. And by school, I mean middle school, but I went ahead and finished high school anyway.
我今天来到这里，是因为我热爱新奥尔良。我在这里出生、成长，度过少年时光，正如你们一样。我住在这里的时候，只洗过6次衣服。当我从学校毕业的时候，我完完全全地迷失了自己。学校我指的是初中，后来我好歹继续念完了高中。
And I - I really, I had no ambition, I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I did everything from - I shucked oysters, I was a hostess, I was a bartender, I was a waitress, I painted houses, I sold vacuum cleaners, I had no idea. And I thought I’d just finally settle in some job, and I would make enough money to pay my rent, maybe have basic cable, maybe not, I didn’t really have a plan, my point is that, by the time I was your age, I really thought I knew who I was, but I had no idea.
我当时真的没有什么雄心壮志，不知道自己想做什么。我什么工作都做，挖生蚝，当带位员，做酒保，当服务生，粉刷房子，卖吸尘器，完全不知道自己想做什么，我只想随便找个能糊口的工作，过一辈子，能有钱付得起我的房租就行。也许还有钱付有线电视，也许付不起，谈不上有什么计划。
Like for example, when I was your age, I was dating men. So what I’m saying is, when you’re older, most of you will be gay. Anyone writing this stuff down? Parents?
我想说的是，当我象你们这么大的时候，我真的以为我了解自己，但其实我并不了解。举例说，我象你们这么大的时候，还在和男人约会。所以我的意思是，等你们再长大些后，大多数人都会是同性恋。有记下来吗？家长有没有记下来？
Anyway, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and the way I ended up on this path was from a very tragic event. I was maybe 19, and my girlfriend at the time was killed in a car accident. And I passed the accident, and I didn’t know it was her and I kept going, and I found out shortly after that, it was her.
总之我当时不知道我的人生要做什么，而最后因为一件悲剧使我找到了人生目标。我当时可能才19岁，我女朋友因为车祸死了，我途经事故现场却不知道是她，还在继续往前走，不久后我才知道那是她。
And I was living in a basement apartment, I had no money, I had no heat, no air, I had a mattress on the floor and the apartment was infested with fleas. And I was soul-searching, I was like, why is she suddenly gone, and there are fleas here? I don’t understand, there must be a purpose, and wouldn’t it be so convenient if we could pick up the phone and call God, and ask these questions.
那时候我住在公寓的一间地下室，没有钱，没暖气，没空调，我打地铺睡觉，房子里到处都是跳蚤，我困惑不已，心想她怎么突然就走了，而我为何又住在这么一个到处是跳骚的房子里，我不明白，但其中一定有什么理由，要是能直接拿起电话打给上帝问个清楚就好了。
And I started writing and what poured out of me was an imaginary conversation with God, which was one-sided, and I finished writing it and I looked at it and I said to myself, and I hadn’t even been doing stand-up, ever, there was no club in town. I said, “I’m gonna do this on the Tonight Show With Johnny Carson”- at the time he was the king - “and I’m gonna be the first woman in the history of the show to be called over to sit down.”
我开始写作，心里涌出一段我和上帝的对话，虽然只是我一个人的独白，写完了之后我阅读了这个剧本，对自己说，我还没有做过脱口秀，那里没有夜总会，我对自己说要在“今夜秀”上与强尼卡森一起表演这一段，强尼卡森是当时天王级人物，我对自己说我要成为该节目史上第一个被邀请的女性，
And several years later, I was the first woman in the history of the show, and only woman in the history of the show to sit down, because of that phone conversation with God that I wrote. And I started this path of stand-up and it was successful and it was great, but it was hard, because I was trying to please everybody and I had this secret that I was keeping, that I was gay. And I thought if people found out they wouldn’t like me, they wouldn’t laugh at me.
数年之后，我成为这个节目史上第一位也是唯一一位被邀请参与的女性，就因为那段我写的与上帝对话的己剧本，从此我开始做单人脱口秀，做得很成功，也很辛苦，因为我想讨好每一个人，同时又不让知道我是同性恋的秘密，我想要是别人发现了，就不会喜欢我了，就不会笑我了。
Then my career turned into - I got my own sitcom, and that was very successful, another level of success. And I thought, what if they find out I’m gay, then they’ll never watch, and this was a long time ago, this was when we just had white presidents - this was back, many years ago - and I finally decided that I was living with so much shame, and so much fear, that I just couldn’t live that way anymore, and I decided to come out and make it creative.
后来我又有了自己的情景喜剧，也很成功，更进一步的成功，我于是更担心被别人知道是同性恋后怎么办，而且当时是很久很久以前，那是只有白人当总统的年代，好久好久以前。最终我还是决定，与其一直带着耻辱和恐惧生活，不如对这种生活就此做个了结，于是我决定用创意的方式，让剧中的主角和我自己同时“出柜”，
And my character would come out at the same time, and it wasn’t to make a political statement, it wasn’t to do anything other than to free myself up from this heaviness that I was carrying around, and I just wanted to be honest. And I thought, “What’s the worst that could happen? I can lose my career”. I did. I lost my career. The show was cancelled after six years, without even telling me, I read it in the paper. The phone didn’t ring for three years. I had no offers.
不是为了什么政治原因和其它，只是为了让我自己从背负已久的学生枷锁中释放出来，我只是想做真我，我想，“最坏的结果是什么？我可能会失去我的演艺事业”。结果我失业了。我失去了我的事业，我的节目在做了6年后停播了，竟然没有人通知我，我在报纸上才看到这一消息，家里的电话三年都没有响起过，没人找我做节目。
Nobody wanted to touch me at all. Yet, I was getting letters from kids that almost committed suicide, but didn’t, because of what I did. And I realised that I had a purpose. And it wasn’t just about me and it wasn’t about celebrity, but I felt like I was being punished… it was a bad time, I was angry, I was sad, and then I was offered a talkshow. And the people that offered me the talkshow tried to sell it. And most stations didn’t want to pick it up. Most people didn’t want to buy it because they thought nobody would watch me.
没有人愿意启用我。然后我却一直收到想要自杀的同性恋孩子给我的来信，他们因为我的出现而没有自杀，我这才感到，我在这个世上是有意义的，不是因为我，也不是因为名声，但我觉得自己好像是受了惩罚一样，那是一段痛苦的日子，我很愤世嫉俗，很难过。后来有人找我做脱口秀，找我做节目的制作公司努力推销我的节目，然而大多数电视台都不愿意买，他们都不愿意买，因为他们以为没有人会想看我的节目。
Really when I look back on it, I wouldn’t change a thing. I mean, it was so important for me to lose everything because I found out what the most important thing is, is to be true to yourself. Ultimately, that’s what’s gotten me to this place. I don’t live in fear, I’m free, I have no secrets. and I know I’ll always be ok, because no matter what, I know who I am.
每当我回想起这段往事时，我觉得一切都应该这样，真的，对我而言，失去一切太重要了，因为我发现最重要的是要做真我。最终，是我的选择才有了今天的我。生活中没有恐惧和秘密，而且我知道自己是没问题的，因为无论怎样，我都清楚知道自己是谁。
So In conclusion, when I was younger I thought success was something different. I thought when I grow up, I want to be famous. I want to be a star. I want to be in movies. When I grow up I want to see the world, drive nice cars, I want to have groupies. To quote the Pussycat Dolls. How many people thought it was “boobies”, by the way? It’s not, it’s “groupies”.
所以总的来说，我对成功的看法不同，我想等我长大以后，我要出名。我要当明星，我要拍电影，长大后要环游世界，开名车，有一群影迷跟着，就象“小野猫”里说的那样。顺便问一句，有多少人听成是“咪咪”？听错了，应该是影迷。
But my idea of success is different today. And as you grow, you’ll realize the definition of success changes. For many of you, today, success is being able to hold down 20 shots of tequila. For me, the most important thing in your life is to live your life with integrity, and not to give into peer pressure. To try to be something that you’re not. To live your life as an honest and compassionate person. To contribute in some way. So to conclude my conclusion: follow your passion, stay true to yourself. Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path, and by all means you should follow that. Don’t give advice, it will come back and bite you in the ass. Don’t take anyone’s advice. So my advice to you is to be true to yourself and everything will be fine.
但今天我对成功的看法不一样了。当你长大，你会发现成功的定义在改变。对你们中的很多人来说，今天的成功是能灌下20杯龙舌兰酒。对我来说，生命中最重要的事是：是真实地去生活！不要因为别人的压力去逼自己做不是真正的自己，做一个真实的、有爱心的人，在某些方面有所贡献的人。所以总结一下我的总结，追随自己的热情，绝对不要追随别人的脚步，除非你在森林里迷路时看到了路，那你一定要跟上。别给别人忠告，吃力不讨好；也别只是听从别人的忠告。所以我忠告大家：做真实的自己，一切会好的。
And I know that a lot of you are concerned about your future, but there’s no need to worry. The economy is booming, the job market is wide open, the planet is just fine. It’s gonna be great. You’ve already survived a hurricane. What else can happen to you? And as I mentioned before, some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most. And now you know the right questions to ask in your first job interview. Like, “Is it above sea level?” .
我知道在座的很多人都在担心自己的前途，其实不用担心，经济正“发展迅速”，就业机会“一大把”，地球也“好得很”，一切都会很棒，你们都经历过飓风了，还有什么可怕的？就象我以前说的那样，最惨痛的经历教育意义也最大。比如现在你第一次面试，就知道该问考官什么问题了，例如“咱公司的位置高于海平面吗？”
So to conclude my conclusion that I’ve previously concluded, in the common cement speech, I guess what I’m trying to say is life is like one big Mardi Gras. But instead of showing your boobs, show people your brain, and if they like what they see, you’ll have more beads than you know what to do with. And you’ll be drunk, most of the time. So the Katrina class of 2009, I say congratulations and if you don’t remember a thing I said today, remember this: you’re gonna be ok, dum de dum dum dum, just dance.
因此，总结一下我刚才总结过的总结，配合这个“常见的水泥”演讲，我想我要说的是，人生犹如一场狂欢派对，不过要向人们展示你的头脑，而不是你的胸部，如果人们欣赏你，你就不必担心没活干了，然后你就可以安枕无忧。2009年的毕业生们，恭喜大家，那怕我今天说的你全都会忘记，请记住这句：你没问题的。哒哒哒，让我们跳舞吧。
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